a christmas tree, a family council, a hard decision, and a little miracle=a really long run on christmas post

We will be traveling at Christmas this year so we settled on setting up the little tree again. 

Maybe one day we will get a nice, full fake tree for years like this when we can't get a real tree. Until then, this little tree serves its purpose just fine.

I had three different kids try to tell me whose turn it was to put the star on the top of the tree--all three different names. Thank goodness I record it here because we went back to check. Lo and behold, it was Layla who was right that it was Perry's turn to place the star. Which means it was her turn to place the first ornament on the tree.

A very important job.

Then it was a free for all as all of the kids really got into placing ornaments every which way around the tree.

Kacin took the camera for awhile. Of course, he gave us some selfies.

Perry was quite excited to place that star at the top.

We, also, got the nativity and the advent boxes out. Each box holds an ornament that represents something about the life of Christ (25 Days of Christ). We place the ornament on the tree and look at pictures, read scriptures, or read a quote that corresponds. In theory, we would be opening up one box a night. In actuality, we do four boxes at once.

Which brings me to my little Christmas "miracle." I had visions dancing in my head a few weeks ago about how our Christmas season would look--snuggling together reading Christmas books, creating opportunities to serve, making gingerbread houses, looking at nativities and Christmas lights, watching Christmas movies together, doing our Christmas countdown together each night. At the center of all of my imaginings was a happy, calm family enjoying peaceful, fun moments together.

Reality quickly woke me up from my dream. There is no such thing as "silent nights, all is calm" around this house. It is usually quite loud and crazy with energetic kids, or someone crying and yelling and a little boy is in the middle of a meltdown. And because of those meltdowns, one of us is usually on Perry duty and the other is with the other kids and so it is hard to be all together. Then there is the fact, we parents are just plain wiped out and exhausted by evening time.

It wasn't until Dec. 3rd that we were all home at the same time to sit down and actually do our 25 days of Christ for the first time. There was yelling and crying and chaos and I was frustrated because why can't we have some peace? why do Perry's moods have to change so quickly and keep us all on edge and full of stress?

Eric and I talked about all this and a few days later we held a family council. In the bathroom. Because all of our family meetings are held in the bathroom (squeezing into the bathroom means we get straight to the point to get out quick and we are nice and close so we have to look into each other's eyes. anyways, doesn't everyone do their best thinking in the bathroom? ha!).

Back to the point. We held a family council and discussed dinner time. Which has nothing to do with Christmas, but everything to do with bringing peace into our home. Because in the last three years, I can count on one hand how many family dinners we have had in which we can actually have a conversation with each other. Perry is usually throwing a tantrum because he does not want to come to dinner, throwing his food, throwing his fork (only plastic for him, folks), or needs undivided attention from Eric or I to keep him in his seat actually eating. To say the least, it is stressful and hard for each of us to all eat together, but we have kept on trying all of this time.

Sometimes you need to take a break. A guilt free break. We discussed and decided in our council that it would be ok, for awhile, to feed Perry either before or after family mealtime so the other kids could get some attention and conversation and, hopefully, we will all feel a little more peaceful at dinner time. We are not giving up. We will continue to work on mealtime etiquette, but in a one-on-one setting. Of course, he can come to the table and eat with us. We would love it if he did! But we are not going to feel guilty if we eat without him if he is not ready. It is a hard, complicated family decision that will ultimately help everyone be successful right now.

And then we had our Christmas "miracle" Sunday night. Which has nothing to do with our family council and our decision and dinnertime, but everything to do with feeling some peace in our home. Prayers were answered, Santa delivered, the stars aligned--call it what you will, but I got my little wish for a magical Christmas moment. We sat together in the living room. Each child patiently waited and took their turn to put an ornament on the tree. We read about and looked at pictures of Jesus and talked about His life. We sang "Away on the Manger" accompanied by Kacin on the piano. We were all calm, not perfect, but happy and calm.  A joyful moment I so needed right then amongst all the regular crazy and the holiday bustle--my own little Christmas miracle.      

I do hope I didn't come across as too negative about Perry. I love that boy with all of his quirks and behaviors. But let's keep it real. Sometimes autism just stinks. It is terribly challenging.   

It Works Wonderfully!: GC 5

Elaine Surbeck. She was one of my professors at ASU when I was studying early childhood education. There is a word that always makes me think of her, her book, and the time I spent in her classes--reflect. She ingrained in me how important it is to be reflective as a teacher and professional--what went well, what didn't, what could improve, did learning take place, how, why, etc. Taking time to think and ask myself questions helps me learn to be a better teacher, to understand how people learn, or to help and get to know my students.

Being reflective works for life in general, too, doesn't it? That's what I appreciated about President Uchtdorf's talk. He said, "I wonder if we as church members might also benefit from asking ourselves from time to time: 'Is my experience in the Church working for me? Is it bringing me closer to Christ? Is it blessing me and my family with peace and joy as promised in the gospel?' . . . Such reflection may help us to refocus or realign our daily efforts with the divine plan of salvation." I think reflecting on this often is such a good idea.

In his talk, he reaffirmed a truth I know is true, but is sometimes tricky to put into practice: Simplify! He asks, "are we making our discipleship too complicated?". There are so many good programs and activities or things to do in the church. And within those programs and activities there are a lot of ways to carry them out. We do not need to let those things we do, plan, and participate in get too complicated and add more stress or keep us too busy. We can simplify and keep things in perspective and focused on what really matters.

I know there is a time and season to everything. Which means, sometimes it's ok to say no, sometimes it's ok not to attend, and sometimes it doesn't have to be a big production, just sweet and simple. It also means that some activity or focus or challenge might be perfect for one person or family, but not for another, at that time.

We are again reminded to be reflective about our time and focus when we are counseled "as members of the church, we need to make a conscientious effort to devote our energy and time to the things that truly matter, while uplifting our fellowmen and building the kingdom of God."

What truly matters to me? My family, nourishment from the word of God, drawing closer to Christ, trying to show more love and kindness to those around me, living my life in a way that I can be closer to the Spirit and feel joy

President Uchtdorf concludes, "Brothers and sisters, dear friends, I pray that we will focus on 'the simplicity that is in Christ' and allow His grace to lift and carry us during our journey from where we are now to our glorious destiny in our Father's presence.

As we do so and someone asks us 'How is being a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints working for you?' we will be able to say with pride, in all humility, and with great joy, "It works wonderfully! Thank you for asking! Would you like to know more?" ;)

the gummee sharks

Kyler and Kacin wrapped up the soccer season a few weeks ago. It was a bit of a rough season for the team. However, even though they had to be the youngest team on the league--three players (including Kacin) had to play up and they lost two players due to injuries (a hanger to the eye and then a broken arm) and at least two of the boys had never played soccer before, the Gummee Sharks played hard, gave it their all, and improved throughout the season.

And the team name Gummee Sharks is pretty cool. 

The assistant coach to the team was the older brother of one of the players and he promised them gummy sharks each week if they spelled the team name like that. And how nice of him because each week, even after some hard losses, he followed through with a bag of gummy sharks for all the boys to eat. Kyler and Kacin were always so kind to share with Layla and Perry each week.

Those Gummee Sharks were a fun group of boys. 

At the end of the season celebration, each boy was given a certificate. The coach told everyone Kyler was solid muscle charging through with good ball control and Kacin was eager and receptive. They are both quite the athletes.

I think Perry wanted some of that . . .

Kyler is 12

I can not believe how quickly this little guy

became this big guy. 12 years old!

He is such a sweet, generous, creative, loving member of our family.

We celebrated his birthday in two parts. First, he invited a few friends for an outdoor laser tag battle. We combined his birthday celebration with Kacin's upcoming birthday. They each invited a few friends and battled out on the field for two hours. It was cold that morning! But the boys had so much fun I don't think it even bothered them.

On the day of his actual birthday, we tried to shower him with love. I made the breakfast of his choice. I slipped a note into his school lunch. But the most exciting thing for him was receiving his "own" phone!

Nothing fancy. Just an old "dumb" phone. But the texting and calling has been quite exciting for him. He loved all of the text messages and phone calls he got that day from aunts and uncles and grandparents.

The big plan was to put the phone by his ear in the morning and to call it to wake him up. Well, the little punk was already up when we got up early to do it! So Eric just casually left it in the room Kyler was in. We called the phone twice before he found it and answered it.

That evening, after dinner of his choice, we had ice cream cake and opened presents. He was thrilled to use one of his gifts right away--we watched Star Wars episode 1 that night and we are slowly making progress on watching all of the others before the release of the new movie.

Please don't judge the cake.

Layla, as usual, was super excited for Kyler's birthday celebration. She even made everyone birthday party hats to wear.

The thing Kyler was the most excited about in turning 12 was having the priesthood conferred to him and being ordained a Deacon. We had many conversations initiated by Kyler in preparation . It was important to Kyler that he was worthy to receive the priesthood. It made my heart happy to see him taking it so seriously and honoring the priesthood. I hope he always feels the same way. He even told us a few days before being ordained a deacon that he was more excited to become a deacon than he ever has been to go to Disneyland. I love that. We are so proud of him.

A Summer With Great Aunt Rose: GC 4

There is so much to glean from Elder Uchtdorf's story about Great Aunt Rose. What a great way for me to learn--I love stories.

And I loved picturing Great Aunt Rose sitting on her couch, with that creepy cat curled up nearby, reading her scriptures. Not only reading her scriptures, but having a conversation with them! "And as she read, she sometimes made comments like 'Oh, he shouldn't have done that!' or 'What wouldn't I give to have been there!' or 'Isn't that the most beautiful thing you've ever heard!' . . . It sounded to Eva as though Rose knew God as a friend." Her scriptures came alive. Her prayers were genuine. Oh, how I need to be more like this in my daily study and devotions!

One clear message of the parable was about happiness. "There is enough that doesn't go right in life, so anyone can work themselves into a puddle of pessimism and a mess of melancholy. But I know people who, even when things don't work out, focus on the wonders and miracles of life. These folks are the happiest people I know. . . God didn't design us to be sad. He created us to have joy! So if we trust Him, He will help us to notice the good, bright, hopeful things of life. And sure enough, the world will become brighter."

When I focus on my problems, that is all I see. It is quite discouraging. When I focus on what is good around me and in my life, I feel hope, peace, and joy.

For whatever reason, this story made me think of a little shift in my thinking that happened to me one day well over a year ago. We were going through a particularly rough time with Perry. He was having huge meltdowns and tantrums multiple times a day. He was super aggressive. There were many, many behavior problems we were working with therapists on. To say the least, it was a hard time for all of us. One day, while trying to move him to safety during a meltdown, not only was I hit and kicked, but I, also, ended up with a huge bite on my arm. All I wanted to do was curl up and cry and feel sorry for myself. He bit me! I couldn't move on from that. I wanted to wallow in self-pity. But the therapist was coming in a few minutes to start our session, and while I value a good cry, it hit me that self-pity and seeking sympathy from others wasn't going to change it. It sounds harsh, but no one else really cared if I got a little bite on my arm. No one was coming to swoop in and magically fix this. What I really needed to do was move on and open my eyes to other things in my life. Focusing on this bad, hard thing that happened wasn't going to change it, make it go away, solve anything, or really even help me feel better. I needed to zoom out and try to see the big picture. I needed to notice the areas we were making progress in and the good moments we were having. It wasn't easy to do, but when I was able to focus on the positive side of things, I felt much more hopeful and had more energy to do what I could to help us get through and figure out how to deal with the negative situation. Sometimes it is a choice and a shift in our thinking that helps us find happiness, not a complete change in our circumstances.

Through Rose, President Uchtdorf also teaches that at the center of the happiness that we can feel is one thing--love. "It is love--the pure love of Christ . . . everything else in the gospel--all the shoulds and the musts and the thou shalts--lead to love. When we love God, we want to serve Him. We want to be like Him. When we love our neighbors, we stop thinking so much about our own problems and help others to solve theirs."

Love.

He concludes his address with "As you walk along your own bright path of discipleship, I pray that faith will fortify every footstep along your way; that hope will open your eyes to the glories Heavenly Father has in store for you; and that love for God and all His children will fill your hearts."