Until the Sun Comes Out

It seems our theme song this week has been
"Rain, rain, go away.
Come again another day,
Little Kyler, Kacin, and mommy want to play.
Rain, rain, go away."
It's just gray skies and lots of rain here.

My friend and I recently had a conversation
about depression, sadness, challenges of being stay-at-home moms.
It got me thinking about what I do,
or need to do more often,
to get me through moments of gloom.
I'm mostly a happy person,
but don't we all tend to feel a little sorry for ourselves,
overwhelmed, or just sad every once in a while?
As the chinese proverb says,
"You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow
 from flying over your head,
but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair."

What I need each day is
exercise,
fresh air,
scripture study,
a purpose or a to do list,
good music,
prayer,
a few minutes of quiet, and
to write in my journal or on this here blog.

What also helps me is
good conversation,
a celebration,
general conference talks,
involvement at the school or at church,
thoughtfully serving someone, or
doing something different.

And now, even though I have a strange desire to,
I will refrain
from linking to the Brady Bunch singing "Sunshine Day"
on youtube.
You can search it for yourself.
And laugh.
And wish you had moves and style like that.

Self-Confidence

A few days ago,
Kyler came to me with a problem.
He said,
"Mom, it's so boring,
everyone always wants to sit by me at school.
They all like me and want to sit next to me.
And I'm bored of it."
(I think he means annoyed or bothered)

Sometimes he makes comments like,
"Everyone likes us so much! They always wave to us."
or
"I am the best soccer player."
or
"So many people love me!"

And it didn't even phase him when
he asked two diiferent boys at school,
on two different occasions,
if they'd like to come over and play with him,
and they both told him "No."
When he told me what they said,
he just looked at me
and assured me they didn't actually mean what they said.

Part of me is happy that he knows who he is and he's satisfied, no matter what, part of me worries about his social skills, and part of me just wishes that some of that self-confidence would rub off onto me.

A Writer

Have I ever mentioned how much he loves to write?
Like his favorite game being "notebooks",
carrying his journal around the house,
making his friend go home and get a notebook
so they could each write in their own
instead of playing ninjas like Jack wanted to,
bringing his notebook to the park,
and his favorite thing to do in school?
Writing.

Here are two of Kyler's writings produced just today:

#1-At church, during sacrament meeting

It reads (spelling modernized):
Do Things (title)
1. Make my bed
2.empty the dishwasher
3. prayers
4. fold the clothes
5. clean your room
6. smile
7. obey your parents
8. help your mom cook
9. do something without getting asked
10. help somebody

The picture at the bottom he describes as 3 clouds. The top is for all "good" people, the middle for "almost" good, and the bottom for "all" bad people. He says he's at the top.

#2-At home, while Eric and I played Killer Bunnies
(for the 6th time this week because I had been undefeated
and E couldn't handle that)

It reads (spelling modernized):
My parents are playing my daddy's favorite game. My dad is winning. My mom is feeling ashamed that my dad is winning. Usually my mom wins. Before that we gave dad a card shuffler.

And I'd like to announce that he's downstairs working on his first chapter book right now!

I Can Ride

We all have bikes now.
How cool is that.
We go on family bike rides
around and around and all through the neighborhood.
Kyler sings to himself
"I can ride my bike with no handlebars,

no handlebars,

no handlebars."

*To be noted, Kacin is out of a cast and into a brace. Because his arm is still in a somewhat fragile state, we put the training wheels on. Even though he can ride a two-wheeler just fine, it makes us more comfortable.

Rocking Chair

Eric calls him a little old man when he rocks in it,

but Kacin loves this thrift store find. 

Love Jar

At the beginning of the year, Eric and I chose a family theme to focus and try to do better on:
"Love should be our walk and our talk."
So we've spent each FHE lesson and numerous conversations on the various aspects of loving ourselves, loving God, loving others, and loving eachother. Conversations have been great, but they haven't always led to action. We needed a little motivation to focus us in the right direction. And stop yelling, fighting, arguing, teasing, whining, complaining.

I've read and studied plenty of Alfie Kohn, books like Punished by Rewards and No Contest, and so I tend to be very careful when it comes to rewards and tokens. I've seen that rewards can interfere more than help in some situations. But, at the same time, everyone needs a little praise and encouragement to know that they're on the right track and help them along until it becomes habit.

Our solution:
Love Jars.
We covered them in Floam. And compared them to filling our hearts up with love. Anybody can notice something kind or thoughtful that you say or do and then add a linking cube into your jar. However, you can lose cubes for losing control and not showing love. And you can't tell someone you did something nice or ask them to put one in your jar. When the jar, and thus our heart, is filled to the top with love, we go on a special, fun mommy-daddy-son date.

Pros:
*boys going out of their way to do and say kind things
*boys recognize, in a tangible way, that they do lots of kind things (focus on positive not negative)
*chance to talk about how our actions help us and others feel
*boys get individual time with mom and dad (which they probably would have had anyways, but now we are more accountable to follow through)
*taking out a cube means no threats, just an immediate consequence and an immediate stopping of not-so-good choice
*noticing the nice things others do for you and those around you

Cons:
*comparing jars with eachother
*very extrinsic motivation (will it really help them develop intrinisic motivation?)

It took about 2 weeks to fill our Love Jars, and I've definitely noticed a difference. It's been a good experience. Everyone's been more motivated to show a little more love, and hopefully now we will keep that up.

End of Indoor Soccer

Doesn't Kacin's face say it all?