36

Another year older. 

And how grateful I am for each and every day in those years. For the things I am learning and experiencing and the people I get to share it all with.

That is not to say that I live a carefree life of butterflies and rainbows and happiness. Clearly not the case! Some days are oh so hard, but when I stop to really think about it, I would never trade those experiences in because that is how I am growing the most. And after 36 years on this earth I better have done some growing and learning and gathered up a little wisdom and strength. I've earned every gray hair on my 36 year old head, that is for sure.

Life gave me another experience on my birthday week. I was supposed to go in to get my six month CT scan done. Unfortunately, a few days before that, I came down with some covid-19 symptoms--cough, achy, low grade fever. The rule at my oncologist's office is that if you get ANY possible covid symptoms you have to get two negative covid tests done before you can go in to their office. And with "possible covid" that also meant we had to cancel all of our plans for the week and stay home and quarantine.

First thing, my medical anxiety raged it's roaring head at the thought of getting a covid test. Thankfully, Eric came with me to get tested, too. And the guy who did the testing was actually quite gentle and kind and it was easy. (so not the case for test number two when I went a week later! She shoved that thing into my nostril, or my brain, I'm not sure which.)

Then I quarantined for the week, trying to avoid my family while I had a fever and my cough was the worst. Layla and Brinna made picture after picture and note after note (this was only the start of it). I felt so much love!

I loved this star lantern she made. So pretty!

On the morning of my birthday, I discovered a facebook post by E. Which I quickly asked him to remove so I didn't die from embarrassment...but I so appreciated the thought and the love behind his post!!

Then my sweet sister made my day by dropping off a box of gifts. Each gift had a time on them and so I opened up gifts all day long.

I especially loved all of the sweet notes from nieces and nephews! They gave me such sweet gifts.

I emerged from my room for a family party. Eric and the kids made me a cake with SO many sprinkles. 

My helper...


Then I opened gifts from everyone.

Perry's gift was SO thoughtful. When Eric told him it was time to go to the store to buy me a present, he told him he knew exactly what I needed: Vitamins. Since I was sick and he wanted me to get better that is exactly what he thought I needed. I was thankful to my little buddy! I loved it.


There had been a lot of anticipation and excitement that PSYCH 2 came out on my birthday! We sat down to watch it as a family. (if you are a psych fan of course you are going to like it, but at the same time it was not my favorite--too many inappropriate jokes and hard to follow and too repetitive of some things. but it's still more Psych in my life, so I'll take it.)

It was hard for me to cancel all of my birthday plans, but once I accepted that fact it was a lovely day. I was grateful for all of the texts, calls, and gifts and glad I could spend the day with these beautiful people.

you are enough

Last night, Perry asked me to lay with him in bed before he fell asleep. I wasn't feel well all week so it felt like it had been ages since I had put my head on the pillow next to his and listened to him chatting away about Star Wars and the audio book "Thor's Wedding." He clearly has a lot of passion and knowledge about both topics. And he will go on and on with just an occasional "oh really?," "that's so cool,"  "I didn't know that,"  or "uh-huh" from me. 

I am not proud of this, but while he was talking I absentmindedly picked up my phone and somehow ended up scrolling on facebook while he talked away. When I passed a video of one of my friends making a lava lamp with her two-year old, he stopped talking and started watching the mesmerizing experiment. He had actually brought home the same experiment from his day camp a few weeks ago. Except then I didn't know what we were supposed to do with it and never took the time to figure it out. So he carried it around for a few days and dropped something in it on his own. And then I threw it away. Now I understood what we were supposed to do.

The thoughts were streaming through my head at a rapid pace before I could stop them: Laura, you never do any cool experiments like this with your kids. You couldn't even help Perry and enjoy the moment with him when he brought this home to you. You suck as a mom. You never do anything with your kids. You are wasting your days with them. They don't learn anything from you. That's why they are struggling with so many things. You are always sick or busy. Look, you have these few minutes with your son and you aren't even present with him--you are on facebook pretending to listen to him. 

Stop. Stop those thoughts right now.

I closed facebook. Put down my phone and turned my head towards Perry. I looked in his eyes and he smiled at me and then continued his happy chatter. He paused and hugged me tight and asked me to stay longer.

My thoughts were steady and slow now: Laura, he is happy. He is so happy with you as you are right now. No, you do not do science experiments and fancy projects with your children every day, but you do other things. You have FIVE kids, not just one. You are giving your kids a good life even though it looks different from your friends. Your kids need YOU. Just as you are today. That is enough. You are enough. He is good. You are good.

Motherhood is not about perfection. There is not even a single right way to do things. There are many, many ways to mother our children. We try. We fail. We learn. We try again. But we never stop loving. Love our children, love ourselves, love our God. I think as long as we keep going. And maybe try to do some things a little bit better than we did before, it will be alright. They will be alright and we will be alright.

escape room 8: the crimson storm at puzzle effect***

Yo ho, a pirate's life for me. 

Eric and I went by ourselves to the Puzzle Effect to try the Crimson Storm room. We went together to this place before and did the Knight and Rook room. That room was actually our least favorite room we've tried in all of our escape room experience, but we were willing to give this place another try. 

The Crimson Storm room is a pirate themed puzzle. It has the potential of so much fun! We wish our cluemaster had set us up better. She hardly spoke to us and sent us into the room to watch the video and get started. At the end of the video, it tells you to shackle yourself to the wall and then figure out how to unlock yourself. Unfortunately by that time, we had already jumped into the game and solved the chain puzzle without realizing we were supposed to be locked in it. I wish our cluemaster had instructed us to get chained up to the wall before she left. That would've made it a ton more interesting and difficult.

The other puzzles were interesting. We had to ask for one clue, but that's because we forgot about a paper we had gotten in an earlier box. And also because one of their puzzles was a stretch. But we finished and found the treasure with lots of time left over.

With our 5 Star rating scale with 5 being the best, we would give this room a 3. It could've been a 4 if the cluemaster had been more engaging and set us up better in the room.

The Crimson Storm at Puzzle Effect = *** (3 stars)  

rivers, lakes, and mountains

These last few months I have found peace, connection, and adventure out in nature. Multiple times a week, I venture out with my mountain mamas, my Eric, my family, or on my own to the river, the lake, or the mountains. (I apologize in advance for so many pictures in one post, but like I said--multiple times a week we are out there.)

We try to beat the arizona heat and get up and out the door before 6am. Or if we are going to be out on the water, we might head out in the evening as the sun starts to drop.

There is lots of early morning paddleboarding with my mountain mamas. We put in at Granite Reef on the Salt River.

There has been some date night paddleboarding. This was the adventure when we saw the rattlesnake swimming in the water!!








There has been a lot of early morning hiking with my girl, Kell.

And there was the time we attempted a self timer jump picture. Haha. Why do I love the outtakes as much as the jump itself??

We took our friends on an afternoon float down the river. It was their first time being there and my first time back since my traumatic experience at the end of last summer. I'm proud to say, I faced my fears about doing it again and all went well.



















I did some early morning Kayaking with my friend and we saw the wild horses! Magical in the morning.

Eric and I took these two out to Windcaves at usery pass.





I really love the outtakes as much as the pictures themselves. ;)

Kyler and Kacin had a few weeks of cross country practice before they had to put that on hold. One of their runs was at Santan so while they ran with their team I went off on my own hike.

We took our kids minus Perry plus some bonus teens to the river one evening for some water fun.

That was the day that we discovered that Layla is a natural on the water with her kayak.

Brinna was happy, too.  As long as she had a snack or a paddle of her own.












Layla quickly caught on to paddleboarding.

I just have a thing for outtakes today because this one makes me laugh, too.

Brinny fitting in with her teens.








Some more mountain mama paddle boarding!

And another evening on the river with just our kids minus Perry.

Santan is the perfect exercise hike for me right now. It's only ten minutes away and the 4.5 mile loop has a great climb, but not too much, so we can easily get it done in just under 90 minutes. I’m there a couple times a week.

Just before the 4th of July we took our families to Canyon lake to play on the water. 

Watch Brinn's intense face progression as she throws those rocks with all her might...

These two!


It was our first time taking our floating mat out to the lake. We had just as much fun on it here as we do in the pool. Seriously, this is the best water toy! Playing, relaxing, big kids, little kids...highly recommend it.

Perry loved the water! He was all over the place in the kayak. He even let Eric take him on a long paddle board ride.
















She got mad at Kacin about something.

And gave him quite the look.

Pretty moon on the drive home!

"The first great thing is to find yourself, and for that you need solitude and contemplation--at least sometimes. I can tell you that deliverance will not come from the rushing, noisy centers of civilization."

-Fridtjof Nansen

I agree! I find myself when I am out on the river, the lake, or the mountains.